Friday, September 12, 2014

On Marriage...

Ola Dolls,

Been sitting on this post for a while. Was finally irked by a facebook post enough to blog about it. Offending post below;

Alot of the comments were that it is preposterous not to be married by age 30! What's she been doing this entire time?!

Most of the advice given to her was in the direction of prayer; the holy ghost fire kind! Apparently she has ancestral spiritual ties that are binding her husband from appearing. She needs to be running to a Prayer Warrior/Sangoma/Healer/Oprah/ Anybody.


*How some people’s minds work! Bangs head on table*

My problem with this is that madame over yonder aspires to marriage. The big shebang! Why? How is this even logical anymore? How can you aspire to something that is solely dependent on a variable(another person) that is not constant. You aspire to wealth (and hence work your ass off). You aspire to fitness and health (and again, work your ass). You aspire to be a religious person( working your ass off; all those hours being good, reading the word e.t.c). See a trend here? 

Then comes Marriage? How does one work hard in this regard? I know y’all are going to say, the same working your ass off applies i.e get fit, get religious, get wealthy to attract a potential spouse. But this is where the problem is. You are essentially turning into a fraud. For example, You’re not a skinny bitch. But you’re starving/exercising yourself down to skinny bitch status to attract a man who likes skinny bitches. Man who likes skinny bitches marries you and since your aspiration ergo Marriage has been attained, there’s no need to maintain status quo of working hard. Then previously skinny bitch balloons to fat bitch! Man who likes skinny bitches is then in shock and distraught. He finds out he’s been lied to. Hoodwinked into a sham of a marriage! Man who likes skinny bitches goes back into active hunter mode looking for an actual skinny bitch. Fat bitch is distraught and due to all the stress eating grows fatter. Man who likes skinny bitches hunts harder. This carefully placed pack of card falls. This is marriage today.

After only 72 days!
 Marriage is a BIG deal here Everywhere, making things like this happen;

But why is this holy grail of matrimony failing? Are we focusing too much on the wedding and not the marriage? We need to rethink this whole institution. Listen to this talk by Chimamanda. I hope it blows your mind as it did mine in this regard.

 I never thought I’d say this (on a blog moreover) but I am now firmly in camp Kourtney Kardashian. The get together, have kids, buy property together and never marry camp. I really see no reason why one must put undue societal,legal and religious pressure on the already fragile state of a human relationship. The End.

PS: I am not teaching my daughter to aspire to marriage. Instead, I shall teach her to aspire to be the best possible version of her that ever was for HERSELF. This way she will attract the best possible people to walk this journey of life with her. If this is a husband, Great.  But this can also be a friend(s), a sister/brother from another mother. Alas, Man is a highly social being and cannot be alone.

PPS: My advise for madam in distress on Facebook. Have your babies! AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! You are already a prime candidate for a high risk pregnancy.