Friday, October 17, 2014

#UgBloggers7Days Blog Post Numero Six: Ani andooga?!

I don't even know how to begin this quasi post/lamentation/rant. Do you know how you have those really horrible nights, straight from the hottest part of the hideous belly of hell? That make you want to go native ergo the post title. If I could, this entire post would be in Luganda. Alas, I struggle to speak it so writing it is a myth. I just had my second horrible night from hell of the year! Why is the devil working overnight on my account?! Why Lord?! Why this year?! The year that I've clocked in more Sundays than the past five years combined?! Who do I need to appease to correct things? Must I find a one mutula ku ngo (he who seats on a lion)? What? Cause clearly am doing something very wrong?

Current feels.
So here's what happened just a few hours ago. The girls and I have been planning to check out a place called Blue Ice for awhile and we chose this auspicious night to go. Everyone was in high spirits,excited, the works. This was going to be a good good night. We drive to Blue Ice at about 11.30pm. We get there and the place is dead. I could count the people there off one hand. We didn't even get out of our cars. Spirits were dampened but we were relentless. We drove all this way for a good time and a good time was to be had. The closest place next to Blue Ice was Kuddy's. It's new so we figured it'd be a good idea to go check it out. We get there and are happily welcomed by the proprietor. There's a good crowd so we decide to stay. We get a table and order drinks. We chat for an hour and decide to call it a night. We go to our separate cars to leave.

I get to my car and lo and behold, the door at the driver's side is open. I am taken aback cause am pretty sure this damn door was locked when I left. I try to insert the key in the lock (side note:the next car am buying will be those ones with an auto lock thingy as a result of this! You know the ones with a start button. Am done with car keys). The key refuses to get into the lock. I take a closer look and see that it's been tampered with! My heart drops out of my chest to my feet. I think of the stock worth over a million in the car. I get into the car,turn on the light and start to take stock of the damage. The bags I left on back seat. Gone! I run to open the boot, everything's there. Thank Jesus. I ask the friend I was with what I should do, she says we need to inform the owner. So I head back in and politely ask to have a word with the proprietor. She obliges and steps away from her company. I tell her that my car has been vandalized at her premises and my property taken in full view of her guard who was claiming that he'd seen nothing. Hard to believe seeing as I was parked right in front of two (not one, TWO) bright lights. 

Anyhow, she calls a couple of her people and we go back to the car to assess the damage. One of them (small guy) apologizes, says they'll deal with their employee and take care of the damage. I tell them the contents of the bags that were taken and explain that those cannot be recouped, not immediately anyhow but what I really needed sorted ASAP was my lock. I explained that my car is a tool of trade. I cannot possibly go around with a damaged lock. Small guy seems understanding and takes my number, sets an appointment for midday the next day for me to return and sort this out. 

I get into my car to drive away, then comes big guy. He asks me to reverse back into the parking. I do, and ask him what the hell he wants. He asks me to wait as he's called the police and would like for me to wait for them as well. I look at my watch and it's coming to 2 am. My friend whispers to me that this fat dude probably doesn't believe us. Hoooooooooo!!!! All calm and sensibility vacates my brain. I get out of the car, now screaming on top of my lungs about how my car is my business and I could not possibly have driven a car with a damaged lock to their premises just so I can later pretend that it was vandalized there. How much is a lock anyway? I could have lied and said there was a laptop taken or 50 million!! My bags had been taken (containing sentimental items by the way, shoes I'll probably never find again, a sweet sweet outfit for my child) and I didn't want those replaced. I just needed my f**king lock to be fixed! That is all. Plus now it had become a matter of principle. They had a guard. I was parked in their parking lot. I saw no sign anywhere saying parking was at my own risk. My dudu, my baby had been injured and this fat man was standing there thinking I'd lie about that! I wanted to spill blood!

Aaaaarrgggh
So before this small altercation could turn into full blown murder, I jumped back into my car and drove off but not before shouting that they'd best call me tomorrow or wake up to a proper place bashing PROMOTED post on facebook! (Sadly, Idle threats are my cup of tea). I drive to Kiwatule to drop my friend home so I can be on my way home. I play my Tracy Chapman CD cause my soul needed soothing and I needed my blood pressure to return to normal. 

Just as I thought the night could not possibly get any worse. I drive into a police road block. They were holding breathalyzer tests. I parked behind a Noah as the policeman walked up to  my car. He asks me to get out of the car and I oblige. I line up for the test. I am confident cause my last drink had been taken many hours before and all that shouting and venting surely should have worked the alcohol out of my system. Alas no! Immediately after blowing, I see 0%. The policeman presses some button and shows me a blood alcohol level of 0.06. (what's the illegal limit by the way?) Anyhow, now my mind's racing;can I bribe and get away with it? How much would they want as a bribe? F**ck,I remembered I had just 5,000/= left in my wallet! Who can I call to bail me out? My father is going to kill me!! My father is going to kill me! Oh my God, I am going to be in the papers! Oh my God, am going to jail!! I had a full on panic attack in that moment. So the policeman takes the details of the lady who was driving the Noah and starts talking about how he's going to have her car towed to the police station. I am livid. This is really happening! Jail!!

The Noah lady breaks down and starts crying.I see an acquaintance waved down by the police but he doesn't get out of his car, he just slips the policeman something and he's let go. No test. My brain takes that as its cue to start working. In that moment, I decide that I need to do something and do that something quickly. I assess the situation; About 6 police officers. 5000/= can't cover them. All of them on foot. All of them currently engaged with other drivers.No police motorbike. My car strategically parked next to the shortcut to my home. My details not submitted yet. Perfect! The police lady starts walking the Noah lady to her car. I walk beside them as if to support her, get to her car and quickly dash to mine, start it and hightail out of there like a bat out of hell. I was doing 80 K.P.H on a horrible murrum road and hit 100 when I hit the tarmac. My baby flew like she knew mama was in trouble! 

Now here I am in bed, blogging, wondering if am a fugitive, if the loss of my super cool, super pricey phone earlier this year and this incident are related and asking; Why me? Why me Lord?!